I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
