we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize