if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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