I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
