next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
