he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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