I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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