Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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