seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How does it feel to date your dad?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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