I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
