the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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