and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
