My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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