I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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