Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
