Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
