A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
COCAINE IS GR8
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
