girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
