C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
