Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
