i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
