Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
