woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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