Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
