He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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