To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
