Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
