hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
