So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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