I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
