he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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