while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
