when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
