when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
