This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
