u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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