There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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