My room smells like vodka and shame
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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