Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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