just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
