How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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