false alarm. still invincible.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
