I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
