Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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