I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
