Are we in a gay sports bar?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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