Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
