My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had sex on a roof
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
