you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
