Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
