My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
